Barriers to Listening

The beautiful graphic I put together for my last blog shows several areas where communication breaks down.  In addition to problems with how we express what we say and how someone else understands what they hear, the graphic shows “barriers”.  What are these barriers to listening?  Here are a few:

Perception.  Many things influence how well we listen, one is our opinion or perception of the speaker.  Our perception about a person, situation or subject can influence how receptive we are to what they have to say and how much we are willing to pay attention.  If we have negative perceptions of the speaker we are not as likely to pay attention to what they say as if we have a positive or non-judgmental perception of the person. 

Hot Button Issues.  It is possible for us to have strong emotions associated with a topic, “hot button” issues.  When someone pushes the hot button we tend to interpret what we hear through our past experiences, beliefs or biases connected to what the other person is saying and may be inclined to tune out the speaker, or plan rebuttals instead of listening.  Also, when we experience strong emotions it can be difficult to listen effectively.

Fatigue.  The time of day or our overall health can also be factors that hinder our ability to listen. Fatigue matters since listening takes effort and we tend to put less effort into listening when we’re tired.  The “time-lag” element of communication can also be a problem; the average talker speaks at about 200 words per minute but listeners can usually process words at about 300 to 500 words per minute.  Energy is required to not lose focus on during the lag time. 

Multi-tasking.  Research has shown how multi-tasking reduces the IQ to a fraction of a focused brain’s capacity.  So even if it is true (as some teenagers claim) that they can listen while doing other things, they are less intelligent while they do it!  But it’s more likely they don’t listen as well.  Scientists note that exposure to more and newer stimulating technology causes our brains to move away from more fundamental and contemplative skills.  So not only does the noise in the ear buds interfere with our hearing, but the constant stimulation makes us less able to listen!

OK, that’s several ways communication can go wrong.  What about some help with making it go right?  We’ll get to that in the next post.

In addition to information from the Drs. Gottman, other sources of information used include Why Don’t We Listen Better by J. Petersen and Listening-The Forgotten Art by M. Burley-Allen.

---