Why is marriage counseling important?
To answer the question about the importance of marriage counseling, think about why you got married. You will probably say you were you in love. By that, you probably meant you admired, respected, valued, and appreciated your partner so much that you wanted to commit to sharing your life with them. You probably had “happily ever after” expectations, too. You thought marrying would make you happy and fulfilled, give you a lifetime partner and a family. You expected the relationship you had with your spouse to be the most crucial relationship in your life. You were so confident of your love that you entered this legal and spiritual commitment of marriage. You promised before God and the assembled crowd to love and stay with your spouse through good times and bad.
But since then, something happened. You slowly quit sharing the big things and the little things with each other. Now, you don’t know your partner’s inner world. You feel starved for the kind of interaction with your partner that makes you feel good. Your feelings of love are fading. There are more fights, and they are a lot worse. You have begun to think that this marriage was a big mistake. To further complicate matters, you may have made significant commitments together, like purchasing a home and having children.
To answer the question about the importance of marriage counseling, think about why you got married. You will probably say you were you in love. By that, you probably meant you admired, respected, valued, and appreciated your partner so much that you wanted to commit to sharing your life with them. You probably had “happily ever after” expectations, too. You thought marrying would make you happy and fulfilled, give you a lifetime partner and a family. You expected the relationship you had with your spouse to be the most crucial relationship in your life. You were so confident of your love that you entered this legal and spiritual commitment of marriage. You promised before God and the assembled crowd to love and stay with your spouse through good times and bad.
But since then, something happened. You slowly quit sharing the big things and the little things with each other. Now, you don’t know your partner’s inner world. You feel starved for the kind of interaction with your partner that makes you feel good. Your feelings of love are fading. There are more fights, and they are a lot worse. You have begun to think that this marriage was a big mistake. To further complicate matters, you may have made significant commitments together, like purchasing a home and having children.
The True Cost of Divorce
Why, then, is marriage counseling important? Marriage counseling is primarily a focused effort to improve the health of your marriage. So, the first reason is that your marriage has been highly valuable to you – you have invested a lot in it. And it’s wise to protect and care for things we value highly. Also, you made a promise before God to this person, and the Bible strongly encourages us to keep our promises. A third and incredibly important reason regards couples who have children. Your willingness to get marriage counseling can profoundly impact their lives. It is also important to note that statistically, your best chance for a successful marriage is your first marriage. Research shows that the rate of marriage failure increases each time a person remarries.
Here are a few other things to consider regarding the value of marriage counseling. Currently, in the US, the average cost of divorce is about $15,000 per spouse. So, as a couple, you will spend around $30,000 to divorce. A wedding in the US costs roughly $33,000, so if you plan on getting remarried, you will incur this cost again. There is also research to support divorce’s long-term adverse effect on health. Divorced people are 20% more likely to have heart disease, diabetes, or cancer, and are 23% more likely to have mobility problems. Anecdotally, the Gottman Institute noted that in their long-term studies of couples, they have had difficulties collecting data on the divorced couples. This was because of the high number of deaths in the divorced group.
Why not put it off?
Have you ever had a leaking pipe in your house? Ignoring it will not fix the problem. In fact, the longer it isn’t dealt with, the more damage that is likely to be done! When couples ignore marriage problems, the same thing happens. According to the Gottman Institute, couples do not seek marriage counseling until they have been in marital distress for about six years. That is a lot of time to do damage to each other and the relationship. I passionately believe that six-year delay is the reason many couples eventually divorce. Problems that begin when there is still goodwill between husband and wife often erode that goodwill over time. As that occurs, even small issues or conflicts can spiral out of control. The best time to address the choices and patterns that eventually destroy a relationship is as soon as possible.
What To Expect
During our first meeting, we spend an hour discussing your relationship. At the end of that meeting, you will be given the Gottman Method Assessment Questionnaires (ten assessments that evaluate your relationship and emotional wellbeing). You will complete this survey and return it during the second meeting. During this meeting, I ask another set of questions during 45-minute sessions with the husband and wife
individually. At the third meeting, we review the results of the previous two meetings and discuss a treatment plan. The number of subsequent sessions will depend on the needs of the couple.
Why, then, is marriage counseling important? Marriage counseling is primarily a focused effort to improve the health of your marriage. So, the first reason is that your marriage has been highly valuable to you – you have invested a lot in it. And it’s wise to protect and care for things we value highly. Also, you made a promise before God to this person, and the Bible strongly encourages us to keep our promises. A third and incredibly important reason regards couples who have children. Your willingness to get marriage counseling can profoundly impact their lives. It is also important to note that statistically, your best chance for a successful marriage is your first marriage. Research shows that the rate of marriage failure increases each time a person remarries.
Here are a few other things to consider regarding the value of marriage counseling. Currently, in the US, the average cost of divorce is about $15,000 per spouse. So, as a couple, you will spend around $30,000 to divorce. A wedding in the US costs roughly $33,000, so if you plan on getting remarried, you will incur this cost again. There is also research to support divorce’s long-term adverse effect on health. Divorced people are 20% more likely to have heart disease, diabetes, or cancer, and are 23% more likely to have mobility problems. Anecdotally, the Gottman Institute noted that in their long-term studies of couples, they have had difficulties collecting data on the divorced couples. This was because of the high number of deaths in the divorced group.
Why not put it off?
Have you ever had a leaking pipe in your house? Ignoring it will not fix the problem. In fact, the longer it isn’t dealt with, the more damage that is likely to be done! When couples ignore marriage problems, the same thing happens. According to the Gottman Institute, couples do not seek marriage counseling until they have been in marital distress for about six years. That is a lot of time to do damage to each other and the relationship. I passionately believe that six-year delay is the reason many couples eventually divorce. Problems that begin when there is still goodwill between husband and wife often erode that goodwill over time. As that occurs, even small issues or conflicts can spiral out of control. The best time to address the choices and patterns that eventually destroy a relationship is as soon as possible.
What To Expect
During our first meeting, we spend an hour discussing your relationship. At the end of that meeting, you will be given the Gottman Method Assessment Questionnaires (ten assessments that evaluate your relationship and emotional wellbeing). You will complete this survey and return it during the second meeting. During this meeting, I ask another set of questions during 45-minute sessions with the husband and wife
individually. At the third meeting, we review the results of the previous two meetings and discuss a treatment plan. The number of subsequent sessions will depend on the needs of the couple.
Contact Grace Christian Counseling TODAY!
Whether your relationship needs a tune-up or a major overhaul, all you have to do is contact me at 573-541-7645, or you can email gcc.taylor.mo@gmail.com and set up an appointment.
Whether your relationship needs a tune-up or a major overhaul, all you have to do is contact me at 573-541-7645, or you can email gcc.taylor.mo@gmail.com and set up an appointment.