The Three Little Pigs Meet I Corinthians 13

Dear reader:

In John 13:34-35 Jesus tells us: “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, probably many times.  But have you ever wondered how we actually love one another?  I Corinthians 13 lists several characteristics of love, and all of these have to do with character traits.  Character traits are formed as we (with the Holy Spirit’s help) make choices over time. 

This little story will help us think about how to make the choices that lead to some of those character traits. 

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.  What?  You’ve heard this one before?  Sure you have, but didn’t you read the first paragraph?  This story has a lesson in it.  So where was I?  Oh, yeah, the three pigs.  Well, apparently things have gone pretty much like you’d expect for a three-little-pigs type story, except for the ending.  You see, in this story all three pigs lived, and so did the wolf.  But the authorities were called in, and where we pick up the tale they are in court (isn’t that always what happens in the U.S.?)  I tell you there’s too much litigation in this country!  Why, back in the old days – what?  Oh, it looks like something’s about to happen.  Let’s pick up the story.

The baliff has just entered the kingdom of Far, Far Away’s courtroom.  He’s a short, round fellow with a long black beard, black hair and a big nose.  He’s a dwarf, although it’s no longer politically correct to use that term, so we’ll refer to him as vertically challenged, admirably large nosed, non-red (dwarves are either black or red) person, VCALNNRP for short.  The VCALNNRP steps to the side of the door and yells “All rise, Court is now in session.  The honorable Lady Galadriel is presiding!”

As you would expect, Galadriel, a  fair haired woman with pointy ears, moves gracefully to the judge’s bench and casts her wise gaze over all in attendance.  “I am hearing the case of the three siblings of the McSwine family versus Mr. Maximus Badius Von Wolfenstein”, she intones. “Why do I see only two members of the McSwine family here?”

A young, stalwart (isn’t that a cool word?) figure at a table at the front of the room stands to his hooves.  His first name is Porky, and if you were paying attention you already know his last name.  “Your honor, the horrendous events we suffered at the paws of Mr. Von Wolfenstein have left our other sibling so badly traumatized that he is being treated at a psychiatric hospital.”

From the other side of the courthouse at a table at the front, a large, hairy figure leaps to his paws (two of them, this is an anthropomorphic tale after all).  “Objection, your honor!  They weren’t traumatized in any way!”

Galadriel glances gently at Von Wolfenstein.  “Overruled!  Please proceed, McSwine family, what is the nature of your complaint?”  She phrases it this way because a second stalwart figure is sitting at the table beside her brother.  She’s slightly smaller than her brother and has a ditzy feel to her.  How can I tell that, you ask?  You just have to know her.  And, she’s spent almost her entire time in the court room gazing at the ornate ceiling woodwork.  I’m not sure if she knows anyone else is in the room. 

But enough of that.  Galadriel’s comment has gotten her attention!  Her mental faculties have been aroused!  She quickly totters to her hooves:  “Well, Mr. Von Wolfenstein verbally threatened us, destroyed our property and attempted to kill us!  He also made several very unflattering remarks about my house and my construction abilities on Facebook and Twitter.  It was very hurtful!  Hashtag cyberbullying!”  That last comment was something she threw in just for the younger crowd in the courthouse.  The older ones were left wondering what a hashtag was and what it had to do with birds.

Von Wolfenstein quickly shoots back: “But, your honor, I-“

Galadreil apparently is losing her patience, or maybe she just doesn’t like wolves.  She snaps: “OVERRULED!  That sounds terrible! Please proceed.”

“Yes, it really was!”  Petunia: “He even posted pictures of my house on Instagram with mocking comments about my neoclassical early oak and maple dwelling”. (Did I mention she’s into speaking latin – you know, pig latin?)

“Your what?”

“My house.  It was made of twigs from oak and maple trees.”  She pauses to work around a lump in her throat.  “What he did was really very unloving.”

Von Wolfenstein apparently disagrees, since he again leaps to his paws: “But, your honor, I-“

“OVERRULED!”  Turing to the pigs, Galadriel asks, “Why do you say that?”

“Well, your honor,” Porky replies, “in I Corinthians 13 Paul describes God’s love as having several characteristics.  These characteristics include kindness, forgiveness, humility, and courtesy.  Mr. Von Wolfenstein certainly didn’t display any of those characteristics!”

Von Wolfenstein is confused.  “But, your honor, what are Corinthians, why are they first, and why are there 13 of them – “

Apparently Galadriel has had enough, however.  “OVERRULED!  Pigs, please explain yourselves.”

“Well, for example Mr. Von Wolfenstein wasn’t very kind to us”, Petunia sniffs in a surprisingly unpiglike fashion.  “You see, your honor, kindness can be defined as showing a gentle nature, having a desire to help others and liking to do good things for others or bringing happiness to others.  You could think of it as the joy of putting someone else’s needs before your own simply for the sake of the relationship.  Mr. Von Wolfenstein was not putting my needs above his own, being gentle or wanting to bring happiness to me when he blew my house down.”  Her voice has risen dramatically by the end.  It is clear she is nearing the end of her ability to control her emotions and will soon need to find some mud to wallow in.

Von Wolfenstein isn’t fazed by this display of porcine emotion however.  “But, your honor, I got so sick of hearing her talk about the hair on her “chinny-chin-chin”.  I mean, who does that?  Is that even a thing?  I just literally can’t.  I– “

This tirade on Von Wolfenstein’s part appears to be a miscalculation, however, since Galadriel is clearly not impressed by trendy, hipster language: “OVERRULLED!  Too many annoying phrases that everyone uses but that don’t make sense!“  She takes a clearly needed moment to calm herself then says to the pigs, “OK, you’re saying kindness is an aspect of love, and that it means doing something for another person for the sake of the relationship?”

“That’s right”, Porky returns.  “So a loving person will be kind to others and that could mean doing something for someone else that they really appreciate.  Like allowing them to go in front of you at the checkout line at the grocery story, or doing the dishes when it’s actually your sister’s turn”.  He is sermonizing now, but if you remember, this story is supposed to contain a lesson.

Von Wolfenstein is not taking it, however.  “But, your honor, I’m a wolf; I don’t even have any dishes!”
“OVERRULED!  That statement is irrelevant to the case.

“Porky’s right, your honor”.  Petunia is back from the ether or wherever it is she goes in her mind, and ready for a fight!  “But courtesy is also an aspect of love, since I Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love does not behave itself in an unseemly way.  Mr. Wolfenstien was certainly not courteous to me when he insulted my house and made rude comments about me on social media!”

“But, your honor, I’m a wolf; what do I know about social media?  I mean, when I hear about something that tweets all I think about is eating it – no, no, not eating it, I mean, um, bleating it!  You know, like baaa-tweet, baaaa-tweet.”  This also was misstep on Von Wolfenstein’s part since it was obvious to everyone in the court that he began to drool when he started talking about eating something that tweets.  It also wasn’t entirely accurate to give the impression that he doesn’t know anything about social media since he is actually the webmaster of a not-for-profit site dedicated to helping wolves leave the vegan lifestyle.  And in retrospect, that may have been a better defense for him to make than the silly “baa-tweet” comment. 

But still, Galadriel isn’t taking it.“ OVERRULED!  That’s just weird.  Proceed, McSwines.”

“Thanks, your honor.  Like we were saying, being courteous is a way to show God’s love to others.  When we show courtesy we treat all people as friends because everyone we meet has value.  Everyone we meet is someone God loved so much He sent Jesus to die for them.  Does that make sense?”  Porky’s sermonizing again, but we’ve already been over why, right?

You can see that Von Wolfenstein isn’t giving up, though.  Or maybe he just doesn’t pick up on obvious social cues: “Objection, your honor!  I – “

“OVERRULED!  You shouldn’t object to the fact that everyone is a person God loved so much he sent Jesus to die for them.  McSwines, could you give some examples?”

Now it’s Petunia’s turn to sermonize: “Sure, your honor.  If you’re angry with your brother because you can’t agree with him about something, the courteous way to handle it would be to focus on a solution to the problem, instead of just fighting over who’s right.”

This has clearly gotten Von Wolfenstein’s attention!  “You mean like when you can’t agree on which pig to eat first and your brother wants to…”  He’s just realized that this last comment will not help his case.  Plus, everyone in the court has stopped what they’re doing and is looking at him.  But remembering his last disastrous attempt at correcting a verbal gaffe, he opts this time for an appeal for mercy:”…Umm, can that remark be removed from the record?”

Galadriel nods, and then Porky jumps back in.  “Another example of courtesy would be to give your undivided attention to another person when they are talking to you, and try to maintain eye contact with them.  You communicate to them that you care for them when you do that.”  Porky begins to sit down, and then realizes that Petunia has spent the past few minutes staring at the ceiling, so he knocks her down before sitting himself.

While there would certainly be more drama, pathos and maybe even romance were we to follow the argument for the defense, we won’t.  Instead, we’ll join the story again at the Far, Far Away Asylum for the Criminally Confused.

As we pick up the story, the two pigs are sitting at a table eating.  They haven’t been here long, and, other than the food, are very angry about being in jail.

“Can you believe that judge, putting us in jail!?” Petunia growls.

Porky replies: “Yeah!  And can you believe Von Wolfenstein?  How dare he tell the judge that we weren’t very loving toward him!  Just because he’s a building inspector, what right does that give him to criticize how we built our houses?” 

“Yeah!!” Porky responds.  “He thinks just because he was being honest with us about our so-called building code violations that we should appreciate it, and not get mad at him!”

At this point in their conversation is interrupted in an unexpected way.  Mr. Von Wolfenstein walks into the eating area!

“Hey, McSwines!  It sure was unfortunate that the judge couldn’t decide the case and put us all in here!” 

“Yeah, unfortunate.”  Porky is thinking very unpiglike thoughts at this point.

Von Wolfenstein isn’t deterred, however, he has something to say: “I was thinking about what you said in court about being loving.  And it occurred to me that one of the aspects of love is honesty.  You know Ephesians 4:15 says that we should speak the truth in love.  I was just speaking the truth to you when I told you your houses weren’t up to code and that they were probably going to fall down”.

“You were speaking the truth but it wasn’t in love,” Petunia squealed.  “Love is humble, and you sounded pretty puffed up to me.”

“Puffed up!  I’ll show you puffed up!”

The fight that ensued was epic.  Words fail in trying to describe the nature of the conflict.  Suffice it to say it’s not advisable to blow down a pig’s house without being prepared for the consequences.  The jailer broke it up or things would have gone badly for – but enough about that.  The jailer sat them down together and proceeded to help them be less confused.  Remember, it was the Far, Far Away Asylum for the Criminally Confused.

“What is the problem with you three?  Why are you so upset with each other?”  This is the jailer in counselor mode.

At this point it’s best if I intervene again and tell you that Von Wolfenstein, Petunia and Porky all began explaining themselves at the same time.  The summary of their comments was: Porky, “He tried to kill us!”, Petunia, “He blew down my house!”, Von Wolfenstein, “I was just doing my job!”, Jailer, “Stop talking!!”  
Finally the jailer prevailed.  “McSwines, I know why you’re angry, Von Wolfenstein, what’s your problem?”  The Jailer is back to her counseling role.

“It was all a big misunderstanding!” Von Wolfenstein says.  “I’m the building inspector, I just told them their houses weren’t up to code and that they weren’t safe!” 

The jailer isn’t satisfied: “What about you blowing their houses down?”

“Well, maybe it got a little out of hand when I tried to make sure they understood their houses weren’t well built.”

The jailer issn’t letting Von Wolfenstein off the hook so easily.  “Yeah, you could say that!  But it sounds like with all the arguing about being treated in an unloving way, you’ve forgotten about another aspect of love that is talked about in I Corinthians 13.”

“What’s that?”  Everyone wants to know!

“Forgiveness”, the Jailer says.  “The Bible tells us that love does not keep a record of wrongs.  I understand that you’ve been hurt by things that have happened, but a person who wants to love like Jesus does will forgive.”

“I’d have a hard time forgiving Von Wolfenstein”, Porky sounds sorrowful.  “He blew down my brother’s house and my sister’s house and tried to get into mine – “

Von Wolfenstein interrupts, “I was doing a roof inspection!”

“And he said some pretty mean things about me.”  Petunia complains.

The jailer is understanding. “But it’s important to understand what forgiveness is and what it’s not.  Forgiveness is the releasing of a debt, an intentional decision to not continue to hold the offense against the one who wronged us.  It’s a process we usually to have to work through for some time.  It’s also important to remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean saying what the person did to us was right.  Forgiveness also doesn’t mean we forget.  It would be hard for any of you to forget the things that happened here! “

“You’re right, Jailer,” Petunia says.  “I do need to forgive Mr. Von Wolfenstein.  To Mr. Von Wolfenstein she says: “I forgive you for destroying my house and saying all those hurtful things about me.”

Porky: “Yeah, I forgive you too, Mr. Von Wolfenstein.”

“Thanks, both of you.  I really am sorry for the problems I caused.”  Von Wolfenstein is starting to choke up.

“I’m sorry too”, Porky says.  “I shouldn’t have tried to shoot you off of my roof and for criticizing you for doing your job.”

Petunia chimes in:  “And I’m sorry for getting so angry at you.”

“You’re forgiven.”  Wolfenstein is developing a distinctly unwolfly sniffle.

Now the jailer drops the bomb: “Well, since you’ve all taken care of that you’re all free to go.  You see, when we forgive someone we set a prisoner free, and that prisoner is us.”

And now they are all learning how to live happily ever after.
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P.S.  Let’s give credit where credit is due.   got some of the concepts about how to show the kind of love I Corinthians 13 is talking about from a book called Love as a Way of Life by Gary Chapman.  It’s a great resource for thinking about how to live out Jesus’ command to “love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34).