November 28th, 2014

Fatigue, multi-tasking, and pride/attitude problems.

Fatigue can be a problem since listening takes effort.  When we’re tired we don’t have the energy to work at it as hard as when we’re not.  Also, remember the average talker speaks at about 200 words per minute but listeners can usually process words at about 300 to 500 words per minute.  That’s a challenge when we’re not tired.  Clearly, being tired can make it worse.  

So this one’s simple.  Don’t talk about sensitive stuff when you’re tired!!  Yes, the Bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger.  But it would be wise to take that as an exhortation to deal constructively with anger in a timely manner.  To try to resolve a sensitive topic when either of you is tired “…has bad idea written all over it”.  Enough said.

BTW, a suggestion on the time lag problem.  If your mind is wandering, try repeating mentally what the other is saying while they are speaking.

Multi-tasking is a problem, too.  Research has demonstrated that people who try to multi-task show a marked decrease in ability to think about any one of the tasks they are trying to complete.  Said another way: multi-tasking usually results not in doing several things sort of well but in doing several things poorly.  So not only does the noise from the ear buds interfere with our hearing, but the constant stimulation makes us less able to listen.  What does that say about trying to have a conversation while the radio or TV is on?  So if you want better communication, take out the earbuds and turn off the noisemakers.  Even if you don’t think you’re listening to or watching the electronic device.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott give a few other reasons we don’t listen well: 

·         An attitude of pride – when I think I have nothing to learn from someone else,

·         Leaping to a conclusion about what the other person is saying,

·         Pre-judging motives of the speaker.

Any of these involve an assumption that we know better than the other person.  Any of these will also prevent the listener from receiving the speaker’s message.  

Communication problems due to fatigue, multi-tasking or other external extractions are pretty easily fixed.  But an attitude of pride is much more difficult problem. 

If I see that my pride is the problem, how will I fix it?  The Bible teaches that we can “…humble [ourselves] in the sight of the Lord…” (James 4:10).  Humbling ourselves is simple, it means not having to always be right, being willing to say I’m sorry, not thinking too highly of our own perspective, being aware of the feelings and needs of others.  If we are truly honest, I think most of us know how to humble ourselves; we’re more concerned about why. 

To answer this I could quote a lot of statistics. But bottom line, this is the question to consider:

Is serving your pride worth damaging your relationship? 

That’s a great question to consider any time we have to choose between promoting ourselves and serving someone else.

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