Problems in Marriage

The Biblical basis of marriage is found in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2).  At that time God gave His commandment to mankind, gave Adam work to do and instituted marriage.  The setting was paradise, and it’s easy to imagine that the first marriage was wonderful.  Likewise, many people dream of a marriage to another person that will be paradise.  But in most cases the early euphoria of the relationship gives way to disappointments and hurts.  As the disappointments and hurts accumulate, people sometimes see divorce as the only solution.  Why does this radical change occur?

Research supported reasons for divorce include communication problems, conflict management and sex and intimacy.  More specifically, Gottman Institute (www.gottman.com) research shows couples divorce at 5-7 years due to high conflict, and at 10-12 years due to loss of intimacy and connection.  

A common thread that runs through all of these reasons is selfishness.  But how do we deal with our own selfishness? 

The Christ-follower has at least two powerful tools at their disposal: the Holy Spirit and the teachings of the Bible.  While it’s not something I hear a lot about, Jesus told His disciples that anyone who “…come(s) after me, he must deny himself…”  So in my opinion the first step toward a better marriage is to take Biblical teaching seriously (the house-on-the-rock kind of thing). 

But devoted Christians can have problems in their marriages too. Also, some problems such as communication issues and conflict management can be dramatically improved with good information and effort.  So I would like to take several blog posts to deal with communication problems, conflict management, and intimacy and connection.